rain

It has been a strange spring where I live, here in Southeastern Pennsylvania. One day, it might be 85 degrees, the next, 51. Or, we might have drought-like conditions for a time, only to be deluged with 5 straight days of cloudy skies and rain. Or at times, just the threat of rain will be enough to dampen spirits and cancel plans.

I was talking to a guy who was at our house making a service call, and, as invariably happens with people who cross our paths, talk turned to the recent weather. At the time, the past few days had been “perfect” early summer days. Mild temperatures, brilliant sunshine, no humidity.  Truly a gift. I couldn’t help but delight in the clear blue skies and sunshine, and in the glory of being outside. I even mentioned that the recent rains were a bit much for me. And he responded, “Sometimes, we need the rain.”

It was such a simple statement, and it caught me off guard.

Sometimes we do need the rain. The gift of water, of roots saturated with hope, and of the sound of raindrops on the thirsty leaves of the trees can bring an awareness of the beauty of growth and abundance. The grass grows like crazy, almost out of control. Birds and squirrels find so many sources of water, and are satisfied.

I wake this morning to heavy fog, with dew dripping off of every leaf and branch in the yard. It reminds me of a day on the beach a few years ago, the one beach day that fit into our crazy summer schedule that year. We were going to the beach, no matter what the weather. The “partly cloudy” skies at home, a couple of hours drive from the beach, did not hint at the fact that the sandy shore was socked in by a deep, heavy fog.  As we unloaded the car at the shore, we kept saying to each other, “It’ll burn off in no time.”

I’m sure you can guess the outcome of the weather that day. Not great. And yet… with a slight shift in awareness and perspective, the day became grace-filled. I sat on the sand and looked out at the very still water of the ocean, but I couldn’t see very far. At times, I could hear the low horn from a boat in the distance. Or maybe the horn came from the lighthouse; I couldn’t really be sure. I couldn’t even tell where the fog began. And yet… I listened to the invitation of God, and closed my eyes, I could feel the moisture on my skin from being inside this cloud that sits on the earth. Focusing in on this feeling shifted my awareness.

It’s like a verse that I love from the book of Sirach: “I came forth from the mouth of the Most High and covered the earth like a mist.”  It is the turn to this awareness, the awareness of the Holy Spirit blessing us with grace, and the faith that grace is touching us even when we can not see it or feel it, that allows us to open our hearts even more to the possibility of grace.

Sometimes, we need the rain. And sometimes, we need to change our perspective in order to find the gifts in a difficult situation. God is always inviting us to this, whether it be in deciding to leave a job after a long discernment, in the death of a loved one, in the hurt of a pained and difficult relationship.

When the time for silence comes, I ask you to take up your position for prayer, and then, having asked the help of the Holy Spirit, to be content and wait patiently, expectantly, lovingly, longingly. Try to realize that this all you can do for yourself. God must do the rest. See yourself as the parched ground looking upwards waiting patiently for the rain to fall. You can only wait.

- Fr Roger Schultz of Taize

Lord, send my roots rain.

wisdom

I learned both what is secret and what is manifest,
for wisdom, the fashioner of all things, taught me.

For in her there is a spirit that is
intelligent,
holy,
unique,
manifold,
subtle,
mobile,
clear,
unpolluted,
distinct,
invulnerable,
loving the good,
keen,
irresistible,
beneficent,
humane,
steadfast,
sure,
free from anxiety,
all-powerful,
overseeing all,
and penetrating through all spirits that are intelligent and pure and most subtle.

For wisdom is more mobile than any motion;
because of her pureness she pervades and penetrates all things.

For she is a breath of the power of God,
and a pure emanation of the glory of the Almighty;
therefore nothing defiled gains entrance into her.

For she is a reflection of eternal light,
a spotless mirror of the working of God,
and an image of his goodness.

Though she is but one, she can do all things,
and while remaining in herself, she renews all things;
in every generation she passes into holy souls
and makes them friends of God, and prophets;
for God loves nothing so much as the man who lives with wisdom.

Wisdom 7:21-28

absence

We tend to think of death as a return to clay, a victory for nature. But maybe it is the converse: that when you die, your native place fills with sorrow. It will miss your voice, your breath, and the bright waves of your thought, how you walked through the light and brought news of other places.

-John O’Dohonue, in Divine Beauty

There is a walking trail near our home that parallels a river. When our dog Jasper was a puppy, and we measured his age in weeks, not years, I would take him there in the hopes of acclimating him to walking on a leash, to ignoring distractions, to calmly moving forward at my pace, not his. His reward for good behavior would be lots of praise and a quick dip in the cool water of the river. Jasper is four years old now, and over the course of his lifetime, I’ve walked dozens of miles on that trail, him at my side. I’ve spent hour upon hour of my life there. Once my dog was comfortable, and took less of my conscious focus, I spent hour upon hour in deep thought, contemplating the path of life on which I travel. This is a place that I’m certain will miss me when I die.

This past week, I travelled to Maryland, near a house that my husband and I owned, and close to the hospital where we had our daughter Katie. It has been 15 years since we lived there. Those were formative years for our family.  Being there again brought back memories of our life there. I distinctly remember one moment when I was feeling pulled in so many directions, rushing from place to place, and, as I was driving, the cloudy sky opened up, and breathtaking rays of sunlight were streaming down, illuminating the road before me. This consolation gave me an immediate feeling of my dad, who had died 5 years before. Here, he became present, and it was as if he was telling me that all would be well, to lay my worries aside, and to delight in the presence of the divine in that moment. Though it was only a few seconds long, a tiny slice of time, this is a place I’m certain will miss me when I die.

Our family lost a wonderful patriarch this week. My uncle was a strong, hard-working man with a deep love for his family and a perpetual smile on his face. He was a seasoned fisherman; Uncle Rich loved fishing. His catch was abundant, and his family was generous. He and Aunt Jackie must have fed the entire town many times over in those years. I’m certain that the waters on which he fished will miss him now that he has died. Those waters share our family’s grief.

Today, I consider thresholds, those places where we are touch the divine, and, in some way, remember those people who have died. Those places that you can be certain will miss our presence.

I invite you to do the same.

for lost friends

As twilight makes a rainbow robe
From the concealed colors of the day
In order for time to stay alive
Within the dark weight of the night,
May we lose no one we love
From the  shelter of our hearts.

When we love another heart
And allow it to love us
We journey deep below time
Into that eternal weave
Where nothing unravels.

May we have the grace to see
Despite the hurt of rupture,
The searing of anger,
And the empty disappointment,
That whoever we have loved,
Such love can never quench.

Though a door may be closed,
Closed between us,
May we be able to view
Our lost friends with eyes
Wise with calming grace;
Forgive them the damage
We were left to inherit;
Free ourselves from the chains
Of forlorn resentment;
Bring warmth again to
Where the heart has frozen
In order that beyond the walls
Of our cherished hurt
And chosen distance
We may be able to
Celebrate the gifts they brought,
Learn and grow from the pain,
And prosper into difference,
Wishing them peace
Where spirit can summon
Beauty from wounded space.

-John O’Donohue, in To Bless the Space Between Us

holy week

This was one of those weeks here.

One of those weeks where the parent of a teenager dies, and my daughter helps to hold that friend up, while grieving and tears and sadness swirl around them all.

It’s happened before.

The first time, the father of one of her friends was killed in a car accident. A couple of weeks later, a guy lost his mother to brain cancer. Another time, a girl in her class watched her kid sister die of brain cancer. A few weeks ago, a young man whose father committed suicide a few years back decided to take his own life. This week, the dad died of a heart attack.

These are the times when people ask God, “Why? Why is this happening?” And these are the times when, sometimes, God’s answer is so unclear.

Why do we suffer? Why do kids who haven’t even graduated from high school lose their parents? Why do these tragedies happen?

From my perspective, as I watch these teenagers go through some of the most difficult moments that they will face in their lives, I have become profoundly aware that these experiences are changing them.

The night of the viewing, a close-knit group of Katie’s friends stood in line for over two hours. As adults, we all know how this can be. People talking in hushed tones around us. As we get closer to the casket, the raw emotion of the family who has lost someone. The awkwardness of not knowing what to say, even though we have all been on the receiving end before.

The day of the funeral, my daughter waited for the mass to start in a pew next to the girl whose father died in a car accident. I’m sure that thoughts of that funeral 12 months ago were forefront in their minds. When the opening song began to play, it was the same song they had heard a year ago, “Be Not Afraid.”

These are moments that change us. These are moments that, like it or not, make us holy men and women. Or teenagers, as is the case for my daughter, many times over, these past couple of years.

These are moments where our faith can be strengthened or lost. Our understanding of suffering can be profound. Our human bonds are transformed. Our commitment to those relationships that have changed because of death are magnified. Our hope in resurrection can be questioned, and then, in the end, sustained.

And though we may not ever truly understand why, in our deepest souls. we come to know, through these holy experiences, that God is good.

This Holy Week, I pray for all those touched by deaths that don’t seem to make any sense. That the grieving in our midst know God’s grace. And that they hope in the resurrection that is to come.

I invite you to do the same.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses,

that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults,

hardships, persecutions, and calamities;

for when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

enlightenment

“Enlightenment is not about knowing as much as it is about unknowing; it is not so much learning as unlearning. It is more about entering a vast mystery than arriving at a mental certitude. Enlightenment knows that grace is everywhere, and the only reasonable response is a grateful heart and the acknowledgment that there is more depth and meaning to everything.”

-Richard Rohr

steadfast love

Give thanks to the Lord for he is good
for his steadfast love endures forever.

To him who gently whispers, calling me to prayer every day
for his steadfast love endures forever.

To him who provides light in my darkness
for his steadfast love endures forever.

To him who calls me to notice
for his steadfast love endures forever.

To him who inspires me to go deeper in prayer
for his steadfast love endures forever.

To him who stands beside me as I endure suffering
for his steadfast love endures forever.

To him who quenches my thirst for grace
for his steadfast love endures forever.

To him who gave me the gift of my family
for his steadfast love endures forever.

To him who accepts and encourages
for his steadfast love endures forever.

To him whose providential care for me never ends
for his steadfast love endures forever.